Monday, April 3, 2017

Self-Love Sunday (1): All Hail Queen Brené


As much as I love reading books for pleasure, I think reading books for self-development can be even more rewarding in some ways. On Self-Love Sundays, I'll be sharing the self-improvement or self-care book I'm reading this month, and doing a reflection of sorts on what I'm taking away from the book. If you'd like to join me in reading & reflecting, please link up below!


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This month, Queen Brené reigns. You may have heard of Brené Brown. She's been featured on the Oprah channel, Ted talks, and is a bestselling author and respected sociologist. I picked up The Gifts of Imperfection: Your Guide to a Wholehearted Life, from an unlikely source this summer. The job I was working at included a weekly book club of sorts where we read Brené and reflected on her nuggets of wisdom. As it was required at the time, I didn't read as carefully as I could have, so I'm re-reading this and attempting to apply Brené's advice to my life more wholeheartedly. 


Introduction & Courage, Compassion, and Connection
Brené begins the book with an introduction on how she upon the idea of wholehearted living. A perfectionist for most of her life, Brené thought that she had it together. A successful career, loving family, and an organized life all gave the semblance of a perfect life. However, in the event Brené calls the 2007 Breakdown Spiritual Awakening. After studying those people Brené deemed "wholehearted," she realized something: all the qualities she was putting in the column for things these people didn't do, were her own traits, and vice versa. This lead to years of soul searching and more research, and resulted in this wonderful book. 

Brené opens up her "Courage, Compassion and Connection" chapter with a shame story. We all have them: a time when we were so embarrassed, so disappointed in the way we've acted, that we want to curl up into a ball and hide from the event forever. Brené recommends the opposite: share your shame. "Shame loves secrecy," she explains. "The most dangerous thing to do after a shaming experience is hide or bury our story. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes." (10) I don't know about y'all, but that's always been my first instinct. Slack off at work? Hide it. Fail a test? No one needs to know. But exposing ourselves in these moments to people we love gives us a safe place to share our shame, and takes that weight off our chests. After talking to her sister about her shame event, Brené feels "totally exposed and completely loved and accepted at the same time." (11) Not only does that feeling of acceptance after a shame event remind us that we are redeemable and allowed to make mistakes, it strengthens relationships when the other person realizes that we trust them with our most embarrassing moments.

These thoughts bring us to one of the topics of this chapter: courage. I read a lot of YA. I think of courage as those strong main characters who are fighting demons, vampires, and dragons, and equate that with courage. However, Brené says of courage: "Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. In today's world, that's pretty extraordinary." (13) In other words, we don't need to battle dragons or bad guys to have courage. Rather than armoring ourselves up and thinking that means we're strong, vulnerability exposes us, allowing us to live life fully.

Vulnerability is necessary to living a wholehearted life because not feeling emotions fully only numbs happier times. Brené says, "It's only been in the last few years that I've learned that playing down the exciting stuff doesn't take the pain away when it doesn't happen. It does, however, minimize the joy when it does happen. It also creates a lost of isolation. Once you've diminished the importance of something, your friends are not likely to call and say, 'I'm sorry that didn't work out I know you were excited about it.'" I feel this point so strongly and it's one of the things that I'm really working on this month to change in my behavior. I've done this for so long, it's become an ingrained habit. When working on assignments in high school and college, I never put my full effort into anything, in case I didn't get the grade I wanted on it. If I did it halfheartedly and got a B, I could say I didn't try my best. But if I pour my heart and soul into something and then have it rejected? That would be crushing. On the other side, what could I have done with those years if I had given my all to everything? How much full joy would I have gained? This also goes for relationships. When I broke up with my last boyfriend, I played it off to my friends that I was relieved (I was, mostly), and that I was really over it. Without giving myself the space and vulnerability to grieve, I cut myself off from my main support system by telling them it wasn't that important - it was a bad relationship, and I shouldn't have these feelings about it. After suppressing those emotions for month, they all came out, and I was alone. 

The next element of this chapter is compassion, which literally means "to suffer with". When put this way, we can see that compassion can actually hurt. That's why our first response is often to self-protect - to go into "judgement mode" or "fix-it mode" (16). "Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals... Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity." (16) To truly be compassionate, we can't stand above the hurting person and advise them on how to move forward, or offer to fix the problem for them. We have to relate to them in their darkness and acknowledge the common connection between your pain and theirs. I have a hard time being empathetic, and I have a tendency to become frustrated with people who are going through things. Often, I don't understand why they can't get out of this funk or situation or judge them for getting into it in the first place. I'm working on finding that common ground, rather than going into either of those modes.

The last element of the chapter, connection, is described by Brené as "the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship." (19) We biologically have an innate need for connection. It affects the way our brain functions, develops, and views the world. Raised in an individualistic society as an introvert, I've never been one to rely on people much. My home life as a younger child was very unstable, and I occupied myself much of the time, without many playmates. When I began a homeschool program in 5th grade, I had even more time with only me, myself, and I. I've always considered myself very independent. Brené wants us to let go of the "myth of self-sufficiency. One of the greatest barriers to connection is the cultural importance we place on 'going it alone'. Somehow we've come to equate success with not needing anyone. Many of us are willing to extend a helping hand, but we're very reluctant to reach out for help when we need it ourselves. It's as if we've divided the world into 'those who offer help' and 'those who need help'." (20) I've always subconsciously counted myself in that first category. I didn't realize that by putting a judgement on myself when I have to ask for help, I'm also judging all those I help myself. "Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgement to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgement to giving help." (20-21). This week, I'm working on not judging myself when I need help, and in turn, not judging others when they need my help as well. 

Goals this week:
  1. Don't bury shame
  2. Lean into vulnearbility
  3. Recieve and give help with no judgement on yourself or others


Sunday, April 2, 2017

7 Things I Love About Laini Taylor


Hi everyone! I just got back from Parnassus Bookstore in Nashville, where I had the joy of attending a Q&A and book signing with Sharon Cameron, author of The Forgetting, and Laini Taylor, goddess of all, and writer of the Daughter of Smoke and Bone series, and more recently, Strange the Dreamer!!
I know you all have probably heard as much about these two as I have, but there's a link to the Goodreads page on both of those above if you don't know why I'm fangirling.

Parnassus is an independent bookstore in the Green Hills neighborhood of Nashville, one of my fave cities. It's a really cute bookstore, with a tiny little doorway modeled after the Parthenon (there's one in Nashville too, who knows why) leading to a kids area with little star lights high above. They are fabulous about having author events, and I'm so happy I made it to this one!

Laini and Sharon were delightful speakers, so I thought I'd share some highlights from their conversation with the audience and each other.

Tidbit #1: Although her writing seems effortless, Laini struggles a lot with the actual act of it. She says of writing, most days: "It's like driving with the brakes on: you can do it, but it's uncomfortable and bad for the car." 
Tidbit #2: Laini mentioned a trend in books she's read lately in which evil villains have to get more and more evil to outdo previous evil incarnations. "Evil has totally jumped the shark," according to Laini (guys, she is honestly hilarious), and so in Strange the Dreamer, she doesn't really see any protagonist as being a "villain". 
Yzma is my favorite kind of villain, tbh. Not the spinach puffs!!
Tidbit #3: As a kid and teenager, Laini always knew she wanted to be a writer, but didnt' actually write that much. She was a self-confessed "pretentious teen" and began reading only literature in that time. I really related to this, as a 23 year old YA fanatic. Sometimes I feel like I should be reading more Vonnegut or Hemingway and less Cabot or Maas. Honestly though, I think the most important part of reading is that you enjoy it, and while I do enjoy the occasional Pulitzer, YA really has my heart. Anyhoo, Laini went on to say that while reading and attempting to write literature she realized that she had had a happy childhood and didn't have anything to write about (lolz). So, when writing got too hard, Laini went for "the greatest backup plan ever", art school. 


Tidbit #4: Looking back on her earlier writing days, Laini recalled a vision that the mailman took all her manuscripts that she sent out to publishers and put them directly into a rocket, which fired them into space. I think the mailman did that with my job applications too, so I feel you Laini.
Tidbit #5: Sharon Cameron responded to a question about writing process with two categories: planners and pantzers. Planners are those (fictional probably) writers who make up a schedule, plan out the plot, and then begin writing. Pantzers fly by the seat of their pants. Sharon calls herself a "plantzer" (my new favorite word), meaning she makes a plan but then abandons it and goes her own way.
Just try and tell me you didn't immediately think of this too. Just try.
Tidbit #6: In response to a question about difference between writing YA and adult fiction, Laini admitted that she has the heart and soul of a 17 year old eternally, which is why she is drawn to YA. Sharon continued the conversation, saying that, aside from making sure things don't get too hot (wink wink), she doesn't consider audience much in writing novels. This was a relief to hear after recent YA authors talking down to their audiences, and critics saying that YA readers are less discerning than adult ones. k bye haters.
Tidbit #7: Laini mentioned her upcoming novels, for those interested! Right now, she's working on the sequel to Strange the Dreamer. After that, she's planning on an adult novel (20 somethings) about writers, then an historical science fiction novel. After that, things are less clear, but she did mention the possibility of another novel in the Daughter of Smoke and Bone universe (!!!!), and a novel about ballerinas in space. She also talked about a continuation of her Dreamdark series, which was originally slated to have 5-6 books, but, as she described it, her publishing house lost its main boss man, and the new guy came in and, like a new alpha baboon, came in and killed all the babies. Laini is the BEST at analogies.

I had a great time, and got some lovely bookish swag and photos, and an autographed book. 10/10 would recommend going to see Laini and Sharon if they swing into your town!




Also, in case the inspiration for the title on this post wasn't obvious:
*Sha*


Saturday, March 25, 2017

Book Review: Of Fire and Stars, or The One With Princess Kisses

Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst
Pages: 389
Publisher: Balzer + Bray
Release Date: November 22nd, 2016
Cover Comments: This is a beautiful cover. I love the golden, looping font, and the two girls on the cover, holding hands and standing against the world. The only thing I'm kinda meh about is the bow and arrow - archery isn't really a part of the book, so I feel like that was just added because bow & arrow is popular right now.

First Lines: When I was seven years of age, my mother caught me in the hearth stacking red-hot coals with my bare hands.
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Betrothed since childhood to the prince of Mynaria, Princess Dennaleia has always known what her future holds. Her marriage will seal the alliance between Mynaria and her homeland, protecting her people from other hostile lands. But Denna has a secret. She possesses an Affinity for fire—a dangerous gift for the future queen of a kingdom where magic is forbidden.

Now, Denna must learn the ways of her new home while trying to hide her growing magic. To make matters worse, she must learn to ride Mynaria’s formidable warhorses—and her teacher is the person who intimidates her most, the prickly and unconventional Princess Amaranthine—called Mare—the sister of her betrothed.

When a shocking assassination leaves the kingdom reeling, Mare and Denna reluctantly join forces to search for the culprit. As the two become closer, Mare is surprised by Denna’s intelligence and bravery, while Denna is drawn to Mare’s independent streak. And soon their friendship is threatening to blossom into something more.

But with dangerous conflict brewing that makes the alliance more important than ever, acting on their feelings could be deadly. Forced to choose between their duty and their hearts, Mare and Denna must find a way to save their kingdoms—and each other.



Review

"An Affinity, much like a heart, cannot be changed."

Of Fire and Stars is the quintessential fantasy romance with a twist: the princess doesn't fall in love with the prince, but with the princess. I was really excited to read this book because of this intriguing concept, and I did enjoy it. However, I was a bit disappointed in other aspects of the book, and without this little twist, I think the book would have been rather unremarkable.

Positive firsts: 

1) The romance is pretty adorable. Mare and Denna don't get off the the best start, and without having read the synopsis of the book, I might not have known they would become interested in each other romantically. Mare is forced by her family to give Denna horseriding lessons, and the first part of their relationship is strained by this obligation, and Mare and Denna's personality differences. However, Audrey Coulthurst did a great job with the slow burn type of romance. Slight touches, words, and eye contact build up until the romance just blossoms. I also liked that, despite, the medieval setting, homophobia didn't seem to be an issue in the world Audrey created. Other lesbian and gay couples are introduced in the book, and nothing is made of it. I liked that the only real barrier to Denna and Mare's romance was the betrothal of Denna to the prince, rather than societal judgements.

2) I really enjoyed Audrey Coulthurst's writing - it's very atmospheric, and there were some lovely passages, ie "Partnerships can be built, but love can't be coaxed. Love should feel like the first time you gallop a horse flat out. It should make your blood sing. It should terrify you. And some part of you should recognize it the first time you meet the other person's eyes." I'm excited to read Audrey's next few books and see how her writing develops, and what other kinds of stories she'll tackle. There were some pretty boring parts of the book that were carried through more easily because of Coulthurst's writing.

3) The magic system in Of Fire and Stars is nothing too new - it's based on the elements, like wind, fire, earth, etc. (a side note - elemental magic seems to be making a comeback, like in Frostblood and Ever the Hunted, two other recent releases). I did really like how religion ties in with magic in a unique way.


Now, for the not-so-positives


1) As other reviewers have commented, the names in this book are a little ridiculous. If Amaranthine and Dennaleia aren't enough of a mouthful for you, try Thandilimon. The first few chapters of the book were spent on stumbling over these names in my head. I happen to adore fantasy names, but it needs to be clear how to pronounce them. I feel like the author just threw in super long names to add to the fantasy/medieval feel. Also, Mare. Loves horses. Really?


2) The pacing was a bit slow, but tons of exciting things happened near the end. It was sort of like a Nancy Drew book without those clutch cliffhangers at the end of each chapter. There was lots of information-gathering and meeting and talking, but not much happened either plot or romance-wise, until the end.

3) I predicted the villain since their first scene. Maybe I've just read too many books, but I thought it was very obvious.

All in all, Of Fire and Stars was an interesting read for the unique romance/setting. That twist helps it rise above the overall meh-ness of the plot, and Coulthurst's writing kept me intrigued. I'd recommend for anyone looking for a unique romance and is not too bothered by typical fantasy fare.

3/5


Cover Love (1): All the Crooked Saints



Exciting news! I've realized that there's no bookish meme that I know of (PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong; I don't want to take someone else's idea!) that covers new cover reveals (heh). Cover reveals are maybe my favorite thing ever and I'd love to host a bookish meme every month where we all geek out over the pretty new covers in the world. So, introducing Cover Love! I will post my favorite cover reveal on the last Saturday of the month. I hope you enjoy & join in! Feel free to use my graphic above and link back to this blog in your post, or use your own graphic with a link back here.

For March, I will have to go with All the Crooked Saints by Maggie Stiefvater.
Saints. Miracles. Family. Romance. Death. Redemption.

The book takes place in the 1960s in Bicho Raro, Colorado and follows the lives of three members of the Soria family—each of whom is searching for their own miracle. There’s Beatriz, who appears to lack feelings but wants to study her mind; Daniel, the “Saint” of Bicho Raro, a miracle worker for everyone but himself; and Joaquin (a.k.a. Diablo Diablo), who runs a pirate radio station at night.


What a beautiful cover! I'm so excited to get Maggie's next book. She's one of my all-time favorite authors, and this next book looks amazing.


Stacking the Shelves (3.25.16): SO MANY BOOKS YOU GUYS

So, I took it upon myself to do a huge clean-up of my shelves. After staying up until three because I am freakishly into organizing, especially when it's books, I came up with three boxes of books to trade in. Magically, my bookshelves are still full; don't ask me how this happens. 

I skipped on over to McKay's, my favorite used bookstore, to trade in my babies, and got $88 in store credit and YOU GUYS. I went a little cray. Here's what I got:


From McKay's



From OwlCrate:



All of the above except for Daughter of the Pirate King, were covered by my trade-in! I left with one box, but traded in three so... progress?

Friday, March 24, 2017

Book Review: Ever the Hunted, or, The One Where Not Bathing is Still Sexy

Ever the Hunted by Erin Summerill
Pages: 392
Publisher: HMH
Release Date: December 27th, 2016
Cover Comments: I LOVE this cover. Beautiful font and design with a nod to the content with the bow and arrow.

First Lines: "To survive these woods, a man must be strong as the trees, Papa had said."
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Seventeen year-old Britta Flannery is at ease only in the woods with her dagger and bow. She spends her days tracking criminals alongside her father, the legendary bounty hunter for the King of Malam—that is, until her father is murdered. Now outcast and alone and having no rights to her father’s land or inheritance, she seeks refuge where she feels most safe: the Ever Woods. When Britta is caught poaching by the royal guard, instead of facing the noose she is offered a deal: her freedom in exchange for her father’s killer.

However, it’s not so simple.

The alleged killer is none other than Cohen McKay, her father’s former apprentice. The only friend she’s ever known. The boy she once loved who broke her heart. She must go on a dangerous quest in a world of warring kingdoms, mad kings, and dark magic to find the real killer. But Britta wields more power than she knows. And soon she will learn what has always made her different will make her a daunting and dangerous force.




Review
"If I were ever the hunted, you would find me."

Ever the Hunted felt like a mixture of several different stories I've seen and read, and while this sometimes led to a unique and intriguing blend, most often I felt like I'd been here, done that. The main character is reminiscent of Katniss from the Hunger Games, while her love interest reminded me of Gale. Bordering countries who are enemies because of disagreements over magic actually occured in the book I read before and after this one (Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst and Frostblood by Elly Blake). New trend? The magic system was different, I'll give it that, but almost random in the types of abilities that come together.

The issue of falling into fantasy tropes is not my main problem with Ever the Hunted, though. If I'm invested in the characters, the novel can be as tropey as you please. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case with our main characters, Britta and Cohen. Britta, as we know from the beginning of the novel, recently lost her father. But she spends much more brainspace on Cohen and his somehow always pleasant scent (after spending three weeks in the forest without bathing? I don't think so) than her recently deceased father. I found this a little odd and I think some opportunities were missed for introspective moments on the way we may perceive someone who has died differently than the idea we had of them when they were living. Sort of a Harry Potter learns about Dumbledore's past type of insight.

Another thing I found unlikely was that Britta never suspects that she might have magical powers. Trust me, that's not a spoiler. I knew from the first chapter, but it takes Britta 3/4 of the book to even raise the question to herself, and only after a few pretty striking displays of power. Britta is set up as a wonderful tracker, archer, and handy with a knife, but these skills don't actually help her a lot, which I was disappointed about. She has all the tools of being a kick-ass heroine, but Cohen is the one who does most of the saving. *cue Cinderella by the Cheetah Girls pls*

After struggling with a lack of connection from these characters for most of the book, I did feel it towards the end. It was an emotional part that actually made me feel strong rage, which I admit is pretty rare for me. The other element that kicks this book up from a 2 star to a 3 star rating is the fantastic ending. It ties up the necessary storylines from this book, while setting up some really intriguing possibilities for the next one. I still wasn't buying Cohen and Britta's romance by the end, but I felt connected enough to the characters and interested enough in the plot twists, that I'd be happy to pick up the next one in this series.


3/5